epicureans vs. stoics

There is something to be said for the “natural” state of things. Something graceful about those who eat without thought and never get fat, who do not pretend to be anything but who and what they are (despite relevant and common social exaggerations or politeness) and for the time that is gained from eliminating these petty worries.

I think we are more likely to begin a phase falsely than to end it so. We often set out to match or exceed standards if our own invention, whether to impress or to satisfy some insecurity. None is innocent of this.

How curious it is that so much of our lives is determined by social “should” and insecure estimations of what modifications we ought to make in order to be our ideal self.

I suppose in the battle between epicureans and stoics I am floundering. I often find myself accepting dutifully the harshest of realities, while indulging myself excessively and with pleasure in the smallest of moderations. Why must it fee harsh to be accepted easily? And why are the simplest pleasures to be the only area of indulgence?

When it comes down to the facts, I am a sucker for manners. I really do prefer politeness to many mannerisms. So long as my indulgences are personal and minor, no matter how prevalent, I believe that I am harming no one, I can hurt only myself, and so I accept the risk. With larger problems, i feel the audience. A person in need is an attentive friend. Manners and an elevated sense of “should” comes naturally and to some extent, flatters our ego.

timing is everything

As I write this, I’m at the exact division between the Americas and Europe. With four and one half hours to go until arrival in Roma, the on screen map tells me I am sitting comfortably in the precise spot where the volcanic eruption in Iceland was casting its ashy shadow and economic tailspin only one short week ago.

I’m going back to the place where I first started writing to you: Cairo, Egypt. There are many mixed feelings one has when facing their past, head on. Worry that it will be alluring and feelings of regret or loss will sink in. Worry about where we have come in our lives and about who we want to be. Comparisons of all kinds… Like meeting a meaningful former lover, somewhat expectedly, but still without quite knowing what to expect.

As with all meetings, confidence has everything to do with it. One who has progressed significantly in their live might be unshaken by the idea of looking backwards, but may also be all together too cocky. One who is floundering, might be tossed completely off course. What I mean to say, of course, is that revisiting our past has a way of allowing us to measure growth.

If unlearned history really does repeat itself, then what can be a more valuable measure of truth?

Time and progress are good friends, ‘healing all wounds’ and so forth. But how long is it before one might be adequately distanced from the past to be an unbiased onlooker upon their own life? That’s the trick.

When facing history head on, I believe in tough love. Pluck up your courage, pack your suitcase, and travel light. Don’t waste your time stewing about what might have been, and don’t laugh too hard or too confidently at the lessons that brought you to where you are today. Like the path of my life, I find that I’m halfway between the Americas and Europe, in the wake of a disaster, but weathering the slight turbulence well with a an eye on the map and time to my final destination.

the high road

I’m sure we can all recall a time where we held our tongue… and a time where we should have…
I’ve edited with x‘s to prevent un-wanted appearances in the search engines.

From: x@x.edu
Sent: Thursday, April 22, 2010 3:39 PM
Subject: AWESOME: X Fraternity

THIS MESSAGE WAS SENT OUT ONTO THE X’S LIST SERVE HAHAH WE DON’T KNOW WHO IT IS BUT JUST READ IT ITS HILARIOUS

Brad,
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won’t even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can’t handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird, the world looked funny yesterday, I couldn’t crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can’t listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don’t know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn’t. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, I can’t imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn’t reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say
or do to take back what happened. I am so sorry.

Elizabeth

–

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for your concern. I’ll be sure to file it away under ‘L’ for ‘Long-winded diatribes from drunken whxres I couldn’t care less about’. You did a stupid thing huh? No…doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is ‘a stupid thing’; Mixing in a red Sock with a load of whites is ‘a stupid thing’; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you’re taking so long because you ate too much raisin bran that morning isn’t as much a ‘Stupid thing’ as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar. To be honest, I’m not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once, but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying ‘Well, I didn’t Fxck him’ somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn’t care less if the world ‘looked funny’ to you yesterday. Since your World revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I’m sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else’s feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don’t think you’re a terrible person, they just think you’re the average run of the mill cxm-guzzling blonde who commands about as much respect as your average child pxrn collector.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS. I forwarded this email to about 100 people.

Talk to you never,
Brad